This page serves to attempt to explain what exactly a ToasterKing is. What does ToasterKing mean? Does it mean I command an army of toasters? Does it mean I am obsessed with them? Does it mean that I myself AM a toaster? Am I a king? What the hell?
Well, I'll try to answer some of these. Contrary to your probable suspicion, I am not obsessed with toasters, nor do I even have more than one, and that one is broken and is in my attic space (my family uses a Toast-R-Oven instead). The name ToasterKing started out in a chat room on eWorld (Apple Computer's amazing online service, now defunct, kinda similar to the way AOL was before it became so commercialized, bulky, and unreliable) in the wee hours of the morning sometime in 1994. I had a crazy sugar high at the time, and I all of a sudden started ranting about how cool toasters are, and what a wonderful invention it is (and I do believe that -- there's something wickedly cool about how the bread is inserted like a "cartridge", is heated by electric wire coils until brown, and then ejected). Anyway, this went on for about 15 minutes, as I started sending random people One-On-Ones (like Instant Messages) and starting conversations about the armies of toasters I commanded which would someday conquer the earth and wreak havoc upon their sexual supply stores and put farting tablets in all the milkshakes in all the fast food chains. Many people suddenly started calling me "the Toaster King", and that's what anyone would call me when I entered a chat room. I then changed my chat name to "ToasterKing" and the name sorta stuck.
Okay, so that sounds kinda stupid, like the name has no real meaning at all, right? That's what I always thought, until my best friend Dark Phoenix enlightened me with his amazing mind, and explained:
I am a "King", because I have experienced so much of the world, so much about life, and I have explored so many things having to do with different people's personalities, likes and dislikes, and emotions, not to mention the fact that I have been constantly put down and ridiculed from a very young age because I was so different in mind and in character from so many people. I have been through a hell of a lot of emotional turmoil, not only in school and in social situations (not to mention that I had more teachers who would rather feed me cyanide than look at me than I can count on 10 fingers and 10 toes), but also at home. I tried so hard to hang out with my father, get to know him, and have fun with him, but most of the time all I got from him was screaming and cursing at me, and then beating me until I could barely walk. (And I'm sorry if you're reading this dad -- you've realized that it was wrong and now you try to ignore that it ever happened, but the truth still lives on, and it still hurts.) I still have the remnants of the fear of verbal abuse in my psyche. It will heal; it will just take time, lots of it. So, after many many years estranged from society and even partly from my own household, I began to believe what people had been saying, and fell into a deep pit of depression. No one could understand me for who I was, and I gave up. (Sorry to be telling my life story here -- I got a little carried away.)
Frankly I am surprised that I am still alive today, after coming so unbelievably close to suicide so many times. But finally, after my ex-bitchfriend dumped me, even though I was overcome with hurt and anger and sorrow, I did a lot of thinking. I was so sick and tired of the shitty life I was living that I decided to try once to change my attitude, and if it didn't work, then forget it. That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I passed with flying colours. I recovered from my clinical depression and developed nerves of steel. I turned my life around, became the master of my own domain, started actually talking to people and making friends, maintained a positive attitude about nearly everything (which was incredibly unusual for me), shaped and molded my personality, dropping many of its bad aspects while accentuating and brightening the good aspects. It seems I have matured much farther in many areas than some people I know who are twice my age, but I still keep a few childlike qualities hanging around, because I refuse to abandon them, and because they supplement my personality to cause it to be more well-rounded, and contribute to my bizarre sense of humour substantially. Anyway, I am feeling much better about myself, other people, and the world than I have in what seems like centuries. I have become the king of myself, and along the way I have gained a lot of knowledge about others, and gained some knowledge of unofficial psychology. I know how to freak anyone out, and can usually figure out how to make someone do what I want them to by messing with his/her mind. But of course, although I have the ability, I don't use those powers for evil or to get my own way, because it's not the kind of person I am. But here's the thing: If you are nice to me, then I will love you and be very sweet to you. It takes a lot of wrongdoings for someone to get on my bad side, but if you ever do get on my bad side, all I can say is you'd better watch your ass (I'm a dangerous lil' boy). Anyway, for the reasons described above, I am a "King". I have shown the world that they can't put me down, not without a tough fight, and even then it would be very difficult. I am the king of myself, and I could have power over anyone I could choose. I'd say that qualifies me.
Secondly, the "Toaster" part. I have been told that I am just as versatile as a piece of toast. You can have toast for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. You can make use it to make sandwiches or just as a light snack. Some people like butter on their toast, some like jelly, some like preserves, and still others like cream cheese. I am just as versatile. I have met many people and have gained many common interests with them, and have developed many skills. I can can repair electronic or electromechanical equipment, can even design and build it, I can do repairs on my car, I can water-ski and snow-ski, I can organize a cabinet containing parts I have never seen before, I can talk to just about anybody, I know several languages, I love and listen to pretty much every type of music on this planet, I love straight, gay, lesbian, and bisexual people alike and am even interested to talk with them about their experiences. Even though I am a guy, I am all for women's lib, as long as it is not taken too far. I am the same way about combating racial discrimination. I love babies, children, teenagers, young adults, and senior citizens. I will eat pretty much anything you put in front of me, and I will try anything once (excluding some illegal drugs), and usually more than once.
So that's me, the ToasterKing, the king of myself, and as
versatile as a piece of toast. =)
(Thanks, Phoenix, for enlightening me. =) )
Sorry if I depressed you... the story was sad, but it had a happy ending, and I'm actually pretty happy with the way I'm turning out. Read the lyrics to "The Finer Things" by Steve Winwood, which I would consider a direct reflection of my attitude these days. So now you can go back to your Web surfing, to your online casinos, your porno sites, your worldwide chat rooms, your dancing hamster pages. Farewell, and thanks for tuning in.
Created 2/10/2000 by ToasterKing.